Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
