i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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