Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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