It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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