this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
