Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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