i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
