Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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