Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
