dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
