yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
two words...techno handjob
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
