i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
