Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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