My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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