Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
