he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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