I feel like abortions should bother me more
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
