is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
