I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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