Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
