So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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