tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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