She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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