sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
