the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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