Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
