New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
