This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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