we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
