Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
