if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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