VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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