I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that's an acceptable place to lick
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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