well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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