no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
