So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
