D3 body, D1 cock
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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