i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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