i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My bed smells like the plague
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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