Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
