the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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