Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
