found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
