you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
