Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
