Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
