I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have fence marks all over my body
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
