So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
