My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
