Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
