Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
