I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
