If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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