The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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