I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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