how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
