We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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