Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
