1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
