why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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